Personal development: The misconception of being alone

Are you feeling lonely and disconnected with life?  Conversations about being alone and feeling lonely are on the top ten topic list when I read tarot. "When will a special person arrive?", is a question often asked. Most questions I receive through tarot or when I was writing human interest stories as a journalist came from a place where great lack was felt. There’s an urge to connect with others, yet there is also the urge to shut the world out. Very contradictory, which are in fact the signals that are then being broadcasted:  “Please come in, I feel lonely. No, not you, go away.”

Ignoring and being ignored 

My friend was telling me yesterday that he was on an airplane and got hugely annoyed by the fact that people were trying to talk to him along the flight. How dare they! He wanted to be there on his own, in his own world and quite possibly live out the illusion we are alone in life. After all, you are born alone and will die alone, right? Can’t argue with that. But is it true? 

What he described  reminded me of the experience I have when I go running in a nearby place. I live in the city and city-life quite often is about ignoring others. So, when I go there and I look around in nature, I see most people go there to be alone and to be in nature to reconnect. Yet the woods are crawling with people. But it’s like those horses you put on eye pads. They will not be able to see what else is going around or actually it is chosen to be ignored. So they just run stoically away, either convinced they are alone in the forest and there is no connection with others. Yet on the other hand greatly longing for a connection with people.

Wanting love and being loved 
Often, before I go for a run, I speak to so many people who ask me about love. Why has my soulmate not entered my life yet, why do I feel so alone, will I be alone for the rest of my life? But the reality of it is that you are never alone (or not as you live like me in the city and/or The Netherlands ;) ). There are people everywhere. Did you ever stop and just connected to your surroundings? There’s life everywhere. In your neighbours houses, on the street, the freeway, but also in the forest and if not people, the whole universe is breathing – flowers growing – ants carrying food homewards – a spider weaving his web. So you see, you are not alone at all. But starting to recognise that first and experience that, will help you open up to finding that special someone. However when you come from a place where you constantly try hard to keep people out of your life, it is very difficult to draw someone into your life.

If you wonder how this works for me: I have been living alone for quite some time, traveled alone, went on assignments abroad on my own and I basically love that. I love people and connecting and loving them, but I also love my own company and am very content with that. I just wrote that down, so you know where I am coming from and it's truly something I feel and experience like that. Not something I read in a book somewhere ;)

So if you are alone or feel alone, know it is possible to embrace your own company, love and sustain yourself which will make it safe to let others in. They will not join you from a place of ‘need’ or ‘lack’, but from a place of wanting to share, trust and feeling part of all. You matter, as do the others. 

If you experience feeling lonely, please study the card The Wheel of Fortune– it is turning, we all our connected, inside that wheel. There is no way you are not part of this wheel. It’s either creating a downward spiral, or an upward one. Which way do you want to go? Sending you love and thank you for connecting with me through reading what I wrote. 

Coming up next: helping manifest your soulmate.

I would love to hear your thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Blessed Be!

Personal development: Surrounding yourself with the right people & The Hierophant effect

When you start exploring your personal path and what it is that rings truth to you, you will eventually start moving away from the usual crowd. Why is that? Look at The Hierophant tarot card. I adore the higher vibration of it, that of a spiritual teacher, but it also shows dogmatic and conservative thinking at times. Things are done in a certain way and you best live up to that expectations. It’s a card of the mass, or in that respect, that of the sheep following the herd.
But what if you now discovered that you are IN THE WRONG herd?
Bloody hell, how to get out of that one? And should you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recommendation: I adore the book "Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes." The story of the little duckling depicts the feeling of 'not fitting in' very well. Finding your soul family and supporters is tremendously important. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, back to you being in the wrong herd. The minute you are going to start exploring and start to think differently than the crowd, this will envoke resistance. Instead of them supporting you in the individual process, they will start telling you ‘to not have silly ideas’, and ‘best approach this realistically’ and what on earth are you thinking anyway?

Not very helpful and might even shut you down in years, thinking: ‘I am silly’. ‘It can never happen’ and more of those defeating lines.
I once had a horrible date where it went wrong from the first minute we met (he was working in the law department), and I said something along the lines of ‘well, we are all individuals with our own talents...’ In which he started telling me how WRONG I was and did I not know my history and how wars were started and that people cannot think for themselves and how we are all sheep...! It went downhill from there.

I think it’s a great example of the split we make between being ourselves and believing in all we have to offer (because you do!), versus what the mass beliefs and wishes of fitting into society. I belief we are all authentic creatures and are capable of living a blessed, creative life that comes from our inner core and who we are. There are really always people who do feel like you do and do love to get their heads above the corn field!

Coloured Scottish Sheep 

What you need is people who support you in your exploring of the world. I’m not saying you need to ditch all your current friends, but if you notice they only slam your ideas and plans down, then do not share all of it until it’s done or put into the world or you are secure enough about yourself and talents to discuss it and stand your ground. It will discourage you and make you belief you indeed are ‘small’ and you have no ability to change your life and shine from the inside if you don't get the encouragement. So just protect yourself & mind your personal boundaries (4 of pentacles). 

So if you are exploring something new (be it creative endeavours, dreams of publications with your name on it, finding out about new belief systems & exploring, getting into the spiritual life or wanting to dance naked under the moon), make sure you attract and be with people who are also into this or are open to you. They will help you grow, make you feel confident and give you the feeling you can be exactly who you want to and that it is all good. And it is!

Good luck J

Please share your stories &  how you have dealt with this